


“Why are you shaking?”

by NoOneKnowsIWriteThis



Series: Garashir Tumblr Prompts [25]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s05e16 Doctor Bashir I Presume, Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2019-03-02 18:47:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13324278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoOneKnowsIWriteThis/pseuds/NoOneKnowsIWriteThis
Summary: Julian is a wreck after fighting with his parents, luckily Garak is willing to look after him.





	“Why are you shaking?”

Julian was sitting curled up in the corridor, still unable to return to his quarters to face his parents. In this moment he wanted nothing more than to cease to exist, then all his problems would stop mattering.

“Doctor Bashir, are you alright?”

Slowly, Julian raised his head to see Garak leaning over him haloed by the station’s lights. “Oh. Garak,” he said, slightly distracted and still overwhelmed.

Garak knelt down beside Julian while giving him a concerned look and placing a hand on his upper arm. “Why are you shaking?” he asked, making Julian suddenly acutely aware of just how much his body was shivering. “And what are you doing out here? I can help you back to your quarters if you like.”

“No!” The word shot out of Julian’s mouth before he could think. Garak’s eyes widening were the only outward sign of his shock at Julian’s outburst. “No,” he repeated, quietly. “I can’t- I can’t go back. I can’t handle them right now.”

“It’s alright, my dear,” Garak soothed as he moved to actually sit on the floor. “You don’t have to do anything. We don’t have to go anywhere. We can stay right here for as long as you like.”

Julian took a shuddering breath and let himself slide over slightly so that his arm was actually pressing gently against Garak’s. That small amount of physical contact helped ground him and soothe him.

Garak reached out slowly, so that Julian could see and was fully prepared for the movement, and placed his hand on Julian’s knee. “Do you want to talk about it?” Garak offered softly.

“I don't know if I can,” Julian whispered shakily. “I…” His throat tightened, cutting him off.

“It’s alright,” Garak said quickly. “You don’t need to speak if you don’t want to.”

“Thank you,” Julian murmured, leaning his head against Garak’s shoulder and neck ridge. Garak gently squeezed his knee, a silent acknowledgement.

They stayed like that for a bit while Julian simply focused on his breathing. As Julian began to feel himself calming down, Garak spoke again.

“If you’d like, we could go to my quarters,” Garak offered. “I always find a glass of rokassa juice helps steady my nerves.” The last sentence had a lightly teasing edge to it.

Julian snorted at the thought of drinking rokassa juice.

Garak chuckled softly. “Perhaps some tea instead then. Would you like that?”

Julian nodded. If he were in a slightly better emotional place he might have felt somewhat patronized by the way Garak was speaking to him, but, given how overwhelmed he felt by everything, the gentle way Garak presented the option was actually exactly what Julian wanted.

“Would you like to go now?”

“Yes,” Julian forced himself to reply out loud.

Garak helped Julian to his feet and guided Julian to Garak's quarters with a light hand on the back of Julian's waist. Once they were inside, he led Julian to the couch.

“Make yourself comfortable,” Garak invited as he headed over to the replicator. “Is red leaf tea alright, or would you prefer some other variety?”

“Red leaf is fine,” Julian replied. As he settled onto the couch, he reflected that he'd already begun to feel much calmer and more safe.

Garak brought Julian’s mug of tea over first, followed by a mug for himself, a plate of assorted pastries, and a pot of red leaf tea. He waited for Julian to take a few sips of his tea before speaking.

“Would you like to talk about it or would you rather talk about something else?”

Julian considered the offer. He could easily tell Garak that he'd rather not discuss it and Garak would respect his wishes, though he could see Garak was dying to ask questions. It would be so simple to let Garak distract him with stories, and yet Julian longed for someone to confide in and Garak was, frankly, ideal for that role.

“I got in a fight with my parents and I couldn't be in the room with them anymore,” Julian said quickly. As soon as it was out he distracted himself by looking through the pastries Garak had brought over.

“And you left them in your quarters which is why you didn't want to go back there,” Garak stated as the pieces fell into place, simply laying out the facts with no judgement.

Julian nodded as he picked up a Bajoran tart. “They feel like I owe them for where I am in life, as if I should be grateful for what they've done to me.” He took a vindictive bite of his tart and then a soothing sip of tea. “I never asked them to make all the ‘sacrifices’ they lord over me… Well, my father tries to lord them over me, my mother… She so rarely says anything except to reinforce or parrot my father's opinion. Sometimes I wonder if I even know her at all.” Julian sighed. “Maybe… maybe things would have been different if he hadn’t been there. If it was just the two of us maybe she would have been closer to the mother I wanted…”

Hesitantly, Julian raised his eyes to meet Garak’s. Garak’s eyes, which Julian would normally have described as sharp or piercing or icy, were warm and soft. The former spy nodded knowingly as he took a sip of his tea.

“It’s possible,” Garak replied. “But it’s also possible that she would have have simply been the same woman you’ve known all along. There’s no way to know, my dear. Try not to let yourself get caught up in ‘what ifs’, you’ll drive yourself to distraction.”

Julian drank his tea, having finished the tart while Garak was talking.

“There’s something I’d like to tell you,” Julian confessed, “but I don’t know if I can.” Garak silently raised an eye ridge. “You’ll find me foolish for saying this, but I trust you with my life.”

Garak let out a long suffering sigh at that. “It is rather foolish of you to be so blindly trusting,” Garak agreed, “...but I suppose that at this point it is fair. I doubt I would ever endanger your life, and I likely would go out of my way to save it.”

Julian pursed his lips, then said quietly “We’re both products of our fathers’ engineering, but it’s more literal in my case.” His eyes quickly fell away, terrified of what he’d see if he kept watching.

Garak said nothing in response to that veiled confession. When Julian dared to look back up, Garak’s expression showed more confusion than anything else.

“I’m sorry, I’m not sure what you’re trying to tell me,” Garak admitted gently.

Julian clenched the mug in his hands, his knuckles turning white as he worked up the nerve to more clearly confess his deepest secret.

“My parents had it done when I was a child. It’s illegal for me to be a doctor or in Starfleet. I-” His hands were shaking again, the tea was threatening to spill. Suddenly Garak’s hands were on his, not removing the mug, but helping to hold it steady.

“Your secret is safe with me,” Garak pledged softly. Julian wasn’t sure that Garak actually understood what his secret was, but ultimately it didn’t matter. Garak’s words were like a balm. Julian felt the nervous energy that had sustained him so far leave his body. He felt boneless. He felt liquid. As Julian began to melt into the couch, Garak gently pulled the cup from his rapidly loosening hands and placed it on the table.

One of Garak’s hands cupped Julian’s cheek, bringing Julian’s focus to Garak’s face.

“No one will ever learn the truth from me, and if anyone tries I will spin them so many lies that they won’t even remember what they wanted in the first place.”

Julian smiled as Garak’s hand shifted to run once soothingly through his hair.

“Would you like to stay here for the night?” Garak offered. Julian managed a nod. “Would you like the bed or-”

Julian cut Garak off with a firm shake of his head. “Here’s fine.” He was completely wrung out from the emotional whirlwind he’d just been through.

Garak patted his hand. “I’ll get you a pillow and a sheet.”

Julian felt himself already beginning to drift off to sleep when Garak returned and, as promised, slid a pillow under his head and draped a sheet over his body. Garak even insisted on pulling off Julian’s boots.

It wasn’t long before Julian, feeling safe, warm, and unburdened, fell asleep.


End file.
